14 August, 2005
Honey, It is with a sad heart that I write tonight. I
have lost Rocky. I only learned this tonight. I pray
that he is with you now. I know how much he loved and
missed you. I have missed you so very much. These days
and nights out in the desert have made me think and
dream about you very much. I am not a happy person
without you. I am trying to go on as best as I can,
but it is so hard. I wanted to be with you for a
lifetime. I always thought that we would grow old
together. I was very foolish and made mistakes that
you paid the price for. I caused you pain many times
in our time together. I cannot say how much that hurts
me. I try and recall the good times. There were many.
I remember when we were together in Hawaii and
Virginia. The fun we had in our first house and how
much you enjoyed the last house. I remember how you
loved animals and other people, how important your
close friends were. I miss all that so very, very
much. In closing for tonight, let me say I love you
and miss you. Please take care of all our friends and
family there until I can join you one day.
Eternally yours, Bill
"Hamilton, William L." (William.Hamilton@arifjan.arcent.army.mil)
30 January, 2005
Honey,
Here I am in Kuwait with the Navy. I miss you very much and I think of you every day. I wish we were together. I am so close to retirement now. All the plans that I had in mind for us after retirement will not come to be now. I regret so many things. I look forward to seeing you again one day. I love you now and forever, Bill
"Cindy" (csuzanne@earthlink.net)
01 November, 2004
Lenee: It's been awhile and I still miss you! So much has happened. You
must know! I'm so unhappy and alone. I could use a friend! Your
picture is here in front of me. Lenee - They took my boys! They are
hurting them! They are doing this for money! I have spent all of the
past, nearly a year, trying desperately to get the truth known. Donny and
Dougy are not even together! I haven't seen them for almost a year. I
really wish I had you to talk to! I don't have anyone! I am so scared
Lenee! They have the boys on drugs! They are being bounced around
from place to place. Basically, their lives are ruined! We've been
through so much together. You were there for me when Shannon was running
away. She's in jail right now. She got married, but I haven't met him.
We took care of Nana and Ray. I remember how scared you were when Bill
was away and you didn't know whether he had been sent overseas or not!
I'm so scared Lenee! I miss you still! I sure wish you were here. I
need to talk to you! If you can, watch out for them!!! Please! I never
go a day without thinking of you. You were so wonderful with them and
they love you so much! How is it that people can be so cold and so easily
turn away from two little boys who are being hurt? I just don't get it!
Lenee - sorry I haven't been back in a long time. I do miss you! I'm
telling you, if I didn't have these boys to fight for, I wouldn't stick
around.This is so wrong! And nobody seems to care! I miss you. Know that
please! Your friend forever, Cindy
"Bill Hamilton" (bhmlton@wgn.net)
12 October, 2004
Hi honey,
I can hardly believe that it has been so long since I have written
anything. So much has been going on in my life lately. It seems that as
the time increases since your demise here, the closer I feel to you. I
miss you every day. There are so many things that stimulate memories of
you each day. I often find myself talking to you. I miss hearing your
voice and most especially your laughter. I recall how whenever I heard
your laughter it made me feel so warm and happy. I miss our weekend trips
together and the comfort I felt having you near me as I slept.
I cannot to this day understand how I was never able to share these
feelings with you when we were together. I guess it was my own
insecurities about myself that prevented me from saying how I really felt.
I pray that your special insight into things allowed you to understand how
much I cherished you. I know now, much too late that too many things went
unspoken. I think I took way too much for granted.
I am so anxious for the day that I can retire and leave here to live in
the
Philippines, where I can be closer to your final resting place. My life
here brings me more pain and sorrow than I can bear sometimes. I look back
at the past and I wonder where it all went so wrong. Everything is so
muddled and confusing.
I think that I made a terrible mistake when my focus changed from
spending
time with you to acquiring material things. It seems like we were happiest
when we had relatively little. The more things we acquired, the more my
focus shifted toward working and paying bills and acquiring more things.
You must have been terribly frustrated with me, yet you said relatively
little about it. In hindsight, I recognize the hints you gave without
pushing me. I wish I had been wiser.
I will miss you always and my thoughts are often of you. I wish that we
were still side by side. When things happen in my life, I think about how
much better they would have been if we could have shared them together.
I cannot believe how much I have lost since your early demise. Where we
once had 12 cats, I now only have 4 left. Each time I lose another one of
them, it's like losing another living part of you. I hope that the ones I
have lost have found you. I think heaven would be a very sad place without
the love and companionship of pets and animals. I know the cats here miss
you also.
I guess that's all for now. I'll be thinking of you and missing you. I
love
you now and forever. When we took our marriage vows, the minister spoke of
"till death do you part". When he said those words, I made a promise to
myself and to God that even after our deaths, my love for you would
continue on. I meant it then and I still do.
Bill
C1OkieTrailrider@aol.com
15 April, 2004
I leave red and white roses for Leny who loved her husband and her cats.
I send my love and support to Bill. My father and myself are now
experiencing his same pain and guilt after the loss of my mother a few
months ago. Recovering from a loss of such magnitude is a long and
painful path. I pray that my mother and Leny meet up in heaven, it
sounds like they have a lot in common.
My heart goes out to Bill and God bless and keep Leny.
"Barbara E Hamilton" (barbeham@hotmail.com)
12 April, 2004
leave flowers for Fermentera, Elena, from Barbara Hamilton, Montreal,
Quebec
"Hamilton, Bill" (BHamilton@ci.burbank.ca.us)
02 October, 2003
My Dearest,
I have returned from Guam. I was thinking about you while I was there. I
thought of how wonderful it would have been to have you by my side. I know
that you would have had a wonderful time there. There is so much beauty
and tranquility there. Things are going along ok here. Not much changes
from one month to the next. Eat, sleep, work, and pay the bills. I look
forward to the day that we will be together again. I miss you very much. I
hope that you have found the peace that you deserved so much. I hope that
you have been reunited with the family members that went on before and
possibly after you. I hope that you are happy there.
With all my heart, Bill.
"Bill Hamilton" (bhmlton@yahoo.com)
15 January, 2003
My Dearest,
It has been a long time since I last visited this site.
I was in Las Vegas for Christmas 2002. I spent Christmas Eve and Day there
with Cely and her family again.
I returned from the Philippines this evening. I was there for New
Year's Eve and day. It was nice to be there and see how the holiday is
celebrated there.
I was not able to make it to Bicol again this trip. Everyone keeps
telling me it is too dangerous. All the plans I thought were in place were
not. I had really been anxious to return there to visit the site where
your mortal remains now lie.
The entire trip, I thought of you and all the fun we had together while we
were in the Philippines together. I had been anxious to see the family
there and find out how everyone has changed. It has been over two years
now. I'm sure many things are different now.
I have been thinking about you a lot. I miss you so much. The holidays
bring back many good memories. They also bring pain. I cannot help but
miss you and wonder what could have been...what should have been.
I cannot stop feeling guilty in the circumstances around your early
demise. You should be here to enjoy life. I wish there was some way I
could change things. I would rather see our places reversed than this. I
cannot understand how everything went so wrong. It should not have been
this way.
I guess there must be truth in the old saying "the good dye young". I
cannot think of anyone whom you ever hurt. Everyone who met you took an
instant liking to you. I am still to this time finding people who knew you
that I was not aware of. I hope you realized how many lives you touched.
I am trying to get on with the business of life, but I always have this
feeling of guilt. I know that you would disapprove of that. I guess it's
just my nature.
I pray to God that you know just how much I love you and miss you. I pray
that one day we will be together again.
Always and forever, Bill
28 May, 2002
My Love,
Your 56th birthday came the other day. I went to a Church and lit a
candle
for you. I asked if the Priest could mention your name at mass. Much has
been happening in my life as of late. I spent time in the Philippines with
Cely and her family. I kept thinking of you during the trip. I miss you so
much. Everyday I think about you. This time of year is especially
difficult. I try not to be sad, but it is very hard without you. We were
together for a long time and I never imagined having to face the rest of
my life without you. I hope that you and I will be together again one day
soon. All my love, Bill
30 December, 2001
My love,
It is after Christmas now. I spent Christmas with Cely and her family in
Las Vegas. I had a nice time there.
Another new year will be starting soon. Another year without you by my
side. I miss you very much and I still dream about you often.
I have not been able to sell the house as of yet. The market is very slow
now and I don't know if I'll be able to sell before the end of January. If
it doesn't sell, then I guess I'll have to stay here and make the best of
the situation. I guess that maybe it is my fate to stay here.
Lisa and Cely have been encouraging me to stay here and just do the best
I
can until I can retire. I don't know anymore. I am so confused and so
tired. I have been feeling depressed alot lately. I just don't know what
to do anymore. Everyone keeps telling me what to do and nobody is asking
me what I want to do. The only thing I want; I cannot have. That is have
you here with me by my side. I know that you are with me in spirit, but it
just isn't the same. I cannot speak with you and get your insight on
things.
I have no idea what the rest of my life has in store for me, and I don't
know how I shall ever get through it without you. The main thing that
keeps me going is the hope that some day, we will be back together again.
I enjoy the time that I spend with Cely and her family. She says she
loves
me and she wants to take care of me. I guess I'm kind of scared. I don't
know if I'm making the right decisions about her. I cannot stand her
jealous fits. Maybe I'm asking too much or moving too quickly. I just
don't know.
I wish I wasn't going through all this. I know that we cannot be together
here anymore. I do not like being lonely. I want to be with you again but
I know that I must wait until this life is over. In the mean time I have
to keep going on. I don't like it. I know that sounds selfish and I'm
sorry. If you were here you'd probably be angry at me for acting this way.
I still feel terribly guilty about my selfishness during our time
together.
I feel responsible for the fact that you are no longer here with me. It
should have been me that was taken and not you. My selfishness is at the
root of this not anything you did wrong.
You were a much better person than I am and I have deprived everyone you
knew of your continued presence. I wish I could have traded places with
you.
I hope that you are in a wonderful place now with all of the people you
loved who have passed on. I know that they will be glad to be with you.
I love you now and forever, Bill
03 October, 2001
My Dearest,
I guess I'll be leaving California soon. I will be taking the job offer
in
Oregon.
I am kind of excited about making a new start. However, I am kind of
worried about it too. I am not as young as I used to be and making a new
start at 46 is not easy. I have to leave my current job before I lose my
mind. The place has gotten even worse in the time since you passed away.
I confess that I feel some guilt at leaving our home. I wanted to finish
all the projects that we were going to do. I wanted to make a garden in
the back yard that would serve as a memorial to you. I won't even have
time to start it.
I hope that you can understand how I feel about all this. It is very
hard.
I'm not even sure of my own feelings.
I wish we were making this trip together. I miss you so much.
I will never forget you and our life together. I will never stop loving
you
either.
I await the day that we can be together again, Bill
27 May, 2001
My dearest,
Your 55th birthday has come and gone now. I wanted to do something on
that
day, but I could not think of what I should do. I thought of going some
place that we had been together, but when I do that it makes me miss you
more. I thought of maybe going to the aquarium, but I think that would
have been a bad idea. I feel guilty that we never went even though you
asked me to take you there so many times. I wound up just going in to
work. It was the only thing I could think of that might help me get
through the day.
The trip to Montana is underway. I will not be going. I feel bad that we
didn't make it there last year. I remember how we both looked forward to
it.
I miss you so much. I think of you all the time. I am so regretful that
we
didn't go more places and do more things together while you were here with
me. I never thought that you might not always be with me. I always thought
that we would have our whole lives together. When you became ill last
year, I had no idea just how bad you were. I never thought that you might
have cancer. The thought just didn't enter my mind. I should have been
paying closer attention. I will never, ever be able to make that up to
you.. and I am tortured by that. I cannot begin to explain the level of
guilt that I feel.
I am trying to go on with my life as you told me you wanted me to. It is
very difficult for me. I just don't know how to do it without you. You
were always the most important thing in my life. I thought that I was
doing what I was supposed to do as a husband. Now I realize that I should
have been spending more time with you. We were happier when we had fewer
thing and spent more time together. You tried over and over to remind me
of that. I guess I just didn't hear.
I pray that you did not regret our lives together. I hope that you have
peace and contentment.
My punishment for my lack of attention is that I will continue to
survive.... only without you. I have many memories of our years together.
They bring me a mixture of joy and agony. Joy in remembering the fun we
had and agony that we will not be able to be with each other anymore.
I can only hope that I might be able to help someone else from making the
same mistake I did. Maybe I can save someone else from going through what
became of our lives.
I do not regret our lives together. I only wish that things had turned
out
much differently. I should have been far more proactive in tracking you
health after you refused to quit smoking. The tumor never should have
gotten as large as it did. I am grateful that you did not suffer years of
agony. I just wish that we had caught it many years ago when the cancer
could have been removed.
I miss you and I love you, Bill
29 April, 2001
My dearest,
Our wedding anniversary has gone by now. I did not forget it. I could not
think of what to say on that day. My heart was too heavy for words.
I spent the day with family in Temecula. We had a nice time, but my mind
was on you the entire day.
I guess you probably know that Lumpy was terminally ill and I had to have
him euthanized. Before he left, I told him to find you.. as I know you
would be waiting for him. I tried everything I could to keep him alive.
There was just nothing to be done anymore. I hope that he is with you now.
You are greatly missed by all who were dear to you here and we all think
of
you often.
Your birthday will be here soon enough. I was hoping to be there in the
Philippines for it, but it appears that I probably will not be.
I am learning to cope without you, but it is the hardest thing I have
ever
had to do. Your memory and your wisdom keep me going.
I hope that by now you have been reunited with all who passed on before
you. Especially your Mother. I remember well how you missed her.
Rest in peace my love and be secure in the knowledge that I love you,
forever. Bill
"ming" (mythos@pacific.net.ph)
24 February, 2001
Dear Leny,
I have never met you but I feel that I know you all my life. There's a
reason for everything in life and i dont know nor cannot question how our
lives have crossed. but i know for sure that i, with the help of your
loving husband, Bill, who misses you very much, will continue the work you
would have wanted to do for your family and people back in the islands.
Please be there to guide us always...to do the right thing.
love,
ming
"Hamilton, Bill" (bhmlton@wgn.net)
04 January, 2001
Leny,
Well I made it through the holidays. It was not easy for me. I miss you
every minute of every day. I wish that you had been able to quit the
smoking habit when I asked you to over 20 years ago. We had so many plans
for things we were going to do together. Now I have no desire to complete
any of them without you. You didn't only forfeit your own life for a pack
of cigarettes; you destroyed mine too. I no longer have any aspirations
for the future. I spend most of my time missing you. I hope that some day
soon we will meet again in another life. I tried to explain to you on so
many occasions that you were and still are the only woman for me. I shall
love you always. When I said "I do", I meant forever.
Bill
04 September, 2000
Leny,
Today was my 45th Birthday. It is the first time I have had a Birthday
without you since I turned 20. I went to Sizzler and bought myself
dinner. I know if you were here, that is where we would have gone. I
think of you all the time and I miss you terribly. Everybody keeps
telling me you are in a better place now. I suppose that that is true,
but it does not help me from missing you and thinking about all the
things we had planned on doing together. It make it harder that your
resting place is in the Philippines where I cannot visit on a regular
basis. You told me that was what you wanted, so I did my best to see that
that is what you got. I think that you would have been pleased with the
way everything went. I hope so. I hope that you are happy wherever you
may be. I am taking care of your cats as I promised you I would. They are
doing fine. I love you and I await the day that we can be together
again.
Bill
21 August, 2000
It's been almost 2 months now. I miss you so very much. My life will
never
be as meaningful as when you filled it with your presence.
Yesterday I went to the commissary. It was hard going without you. We
used
to have so much fun when we went there together. Some of the workers asked
about you and I had to tell them you had passed on to the next world.
I love you, now and forever. Bill
"Cindy Gilmore" (csuzanne@earthlink.net)
07 August, 2000
Lenee - You are the very best person that I have known in my lifetime.
Thank you so much for your friendship. I miss you so very much! I always
will! I told the boys you are with the angels and that the angels are
lucky! Thank you so much for your help with them. They are fortunate to
have known their Auntie Lenee. You helped to give them a good start in
life. I love you dear friend. I don't think you realized how much goodness
you brought to so many lives. Be at peace. Watch over us and smile,
remembering the good times we have had. I will do that too! My life is
enriched for having known you! I will say goodbye to you, but you will
always be here, in my heart and in my memories. And Donny and Dougie will
always know you. I promise you that! Goodbye dear friend, someday we'll
meet again! Cindy
fps3144@webtv.net (Stone #1)
28 July, 2000
We will miss you forever.
Until we meet again up there.
Dale and Lisa
"Bill Hamilton" (bhmlton@wgn.net)
08 July, 2000
Leny, this Wednesday we return to the Philippines to inter you earthly
remains to the soil from where it came. Know this my love, although your
body has left me, your spirit and your zest for life remain in my heart
and my memory forever. I love you. Bill